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Goldilocks Lynn Ollie, would you like to tell us a story? Ollie Why? Lynn I just thought you would like to tell us one. Ollie Why? Lynn Because we would like to have you tell us a story. Ollie Then why didn’t ask? Lynn I thought I did. Ollie Did what? Lynn Asked you to tell us a story. Ollie Why? Lynn Why? Ollie I asked you first. Lynn You asked me what? Ollie What you asked me. Lynn What did you ask me? Ollie Don’t you remember? Lynn Remember what? Ollie (Looking at the audience) And they think I am the dummy. What do you want? Lynn Oh, I remember. Would you tell us a story? Ollie Sure. Once upon a time there was a farmers daughter. Lynn No, Ollie, not that kind of story. Ollie Then what kind of story do you want? Lynn How about a nice fairy tale. Ollie I don’t know any. Lynn You don’t know fairy tales? Ollie No, I don’t know any fairies. Lynn No Ollie, I mean, will you tell us a fairy tale story? Ollie You know some fairies? Lynn Ollie, you are just trying to be funny. Ollie You’re not doing so hot either. Lynn I’m confused. Ollie That’s normal. Lynn What’s normal? Ollie Se, he still thinks I am the dummy. Let’s start over. Do you know any fairies? Lynn No I don’t know any fairies. Ollie Then why do you want me to tell you about them? Lynn Oh Ollie . . . let’s start over. Do you know any nice nursery rhyme stories? Ollie Why didn’t you say so. Lynn Say what? Ollie I don’t remember. You are asking all the questions. Lynn Let me help you a bit. Do you know the story of Goldilocks. Ollie Yup, sure do. I know her well. Lynn You know Goldilocks? Ollie Sure, she works at hooters. Lynn Goldilocks works at hooters? Ollie You didn’t know that? Lynn Goldilocks in the story I knew didn’t work at hooters. Ollie She does now. Lynn What does she do? Ollie She works there. Lynn I know. That’s what you said. But what does she do there? Ollie How do I know. You are the one that asked. Lynn Asked what? Ollie There you go again. Now what do you want? Lynn I want you to tell us the story about Goldilocks. Ollie You mean the gal at hooters? Lynn No, I mean, I want you to tell us the fairy tale story of Goldilocks. Ollie She’s not a fairy. Lynn I certainly hope not. You do know the story of Goldilocks, don’t you? Ollie Heck yah, I knew her fer a long time. Lynn You knew Goldilocks. Ollie Sure, how do you think she got to work at hooters? Lynn Wait a minute Ollie. I wanted to hear the fairy tale story of Goldilocks. Ollie I keep telling you, she’s not a fairy. Lynn Listen Ollie, the Goldilocks you know, what color is her hair. Ollie Red. Lynn Her hair is red? Ollie That’s what I said. Lynn So why is she called Goldilocks. Ollie Cause that’s her name. Lynn You mean to tell me that Goldilocks has red hair? Ollie You didn’t know that? Lynn No, I assumed that Goldilocks has blonde hair. Ollie You were wrong. Lynn I was wrong? Ollie Yup. Lynn What other things don’t I know about Goldilocks? Ollie Did you know she rides a hog? Lynn Goldilocks rides a hog? Ollie Yup. Lynn Since when did she start riding a hog. Ollie Since she started working at hooters. Lynn She bought a motorcycle when she started working at hooters. Ollie Heck no, she’s not that kind of gal. She rides a hog. Lynn Isn’t a hog a slang term for a Harley. Ollie Heck no. He works at Kessels. Lynn Who works at K-Mart. Ollie Harley. Lynn I thought a Harley was a motorcycle. Ollie Now who’s the dummy. Them things don’t work at Kessels. Lynn Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Goldilocks rides a harley. Ollie Nope. She rides a hog. Lynn Why does she ride a hog? Ollie Cause she doesn’t have a car. Lynn So she rides a hog instead. Ollie That’s what I been trying to tell you. Lynn What does this hog look like? Ollie Like any other hog. Lynn You mean it has four legs. Ollie Don’t they all? Lynn Ollie, are you trying to tell me that Goldilocks rides a pig to work. Ollie Now you are catching on. Lynn Come on now. When she blows the horn, what does it sound like. Ollie Like any other hog . . . oink, oink, oink. Sure gets their attention. Lynn I don't believe this . . . and Goldilocks has red hair? Ollie Yup. Lynn And her husband Harley works at Kessels. Ollie She’s not married. Lynn Goldilocks isn’t married? Ollie Heck no. Harley wouldn’t let her get married. Lynn Why wouldn’t he let her get married. Ollie Cause she still owes him for the hog. Lynn She bought the hog from Harley. Ollie Yup. Lynn Why? Ollie Cause it was on sale at the Kessels. Lynn I didn’t know Kessels sold hogs. Ollie You don’t know a heck of a lot do you? Lynn I think that you don’t know the story of Goldilocks. Ollie You don’t know the story of hooters either. Lynn Is there a story about hooters? Ollie Yup. Lynn When did this happen that there is a story about hooters. Ollie Since Goldilocks started workin’ there. Lynn Goldilocks works at Hooters? Ollie I think this guy is of his rocker. Now listen close. Goldilocks works at hooters. She rides a hog to work that she got from Harley who works at the Kessels. Now what don’t you understand? Lynn I thought Goldilocks was a fairy tale story. Ollie You like fairies? Lynn No, I like fairy tale stories. Ollie Goldilocks don’t know any. Lynn Don’t know any what. Ollie Fairies. Lynn Oh, I give up. Say goodnight Ollie. Ollie Why, you got a date with a fairy. Lynn No, I’m going to put you back in your box. Ollie Oh no, don’t do that. Lynn Don’t do what. Ollie Put me in the box. Lynn Why. Ollie Cause there is a cockroach in there. Lynn Oh him. I wouldn’t worry. He’s dead. Ollie I know. You should see the funeral they’re giving him. Lynn Giving who. Ollie The cockroach. Lynn What cockroach. Ollie Oh, she’s the other gal that works at hooters. Lynn That’s it. Say goodnight Ollie. |
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