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Ollie's First JobLynn: Ollie, how old did you say you were? Ollie: 162. Lynn: That’s what I thought you said. Tell me, how is your memory? Ollie: Real good. Lynn: Well, let’s try a test. Do you remember the name of your first girlfriend. Ollie: (Long pause. Ollie shakes yes head and says) Yup. I sure do. Lynn: (Another pause.) Well? Ollie: Well what? Lynn: Aren’t you going to tell me the name of your first girlfriend? Ollie: What do you want to know for? Lynn: Well, I’m just a bit curious. Ollie: She won’t go out on a date with you. Lynn: Why not? Ollie: She’s dead. Lynn: Oh man. Let’s try something different. Do you remember what your first job was? Ollie: I sure do. Lynn: What was it? Ollie: I worked on a Cruise Ship. Lynn: Really! That’s impressive. What was the captain’s name. Ollie: Noah. Lynn: Noah!!!!! Ollie: Yup, Noah. Lynn: You mean you worked on the ark with Noah? Ollie: Yup, sure did. Lynn: What was your job on this cruise ship ark? Ollie: I was a hygienical engineer. Lynn: I’m confused. What does a hygienical engineer do? Ollie: Shovels sh_* t. (Lynn covers his mouth to muffle his voice.) Lynn: Oh, you mean you cleaned up after the animals. Ollie: Yup, did that to. Lynn: I’m curious, of all the animals on this cruise ship ark, what was the easiest animal to take care of? Ollie: The snake. Lynn: The snake! Ollie: Yup, sure was. Lynn: Why was the snake so easy to take care of? Ollie: He just slithered around and kept out of the way so that he wouldn’t get stepped on. Lynn: I see. Well, what was the most irritating animal to take care of? Ollie: Them two skeeters. Lynn: You mean mosquitoes? Ollie: Yup, skeeters. Lynn: Why were they the most irritating? Ollie: We didn’t dare swat ‘em. Lynn: I see. Well what was the worst animal to take care of? Ollie: That elephant with the diarrhea. Lynn: How long did he have diarrhea? Ollie: Three weeks. Lynn: How did you cure it? Ollie: I quit feeding him. Lynn: Ollie, if you worked on the ark with Noah, then did you know Moses. Ollie: Yup, sure did. Lynn: Well I’m curious, was Moses a big guy like Charlton Heston in the movies. Ollie: Nope. He was short like me. Lynn: Really! Did you know about his journey into the dessert? Ollie: Yup, sure did. I was with him. Lynn: Really, how long were you with him? Ollie: Forty years. We got lost. Lynn: I see. Well how did you find your way out of the dessert? Ollie: We found a gas station and got directions. Lynn: Come on now, there were no gas stations then. Ollie: How do you know, you weren’t there? Lynn: Well I guess that’s true. Were you with him when he parted the sea? Ollie: Yup, sure was. Lynn: Did the soldiers chasing you scare you? Ollie: You dang right they did. They had long knives and spears. Lynn: What did Moses do? Ollie: He picked up this big stick and hit the water – WHACKOO!!! The water swooshed aside and we ran across to the other side. Lynn: Do you know why Moses did that? Ollie: Sure do. He didn’t know how to swim. |
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